My wife cheated on me

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)

My problem is: My wife cheated on me and had a relationship with someone else. However, I did not discover that but after we had a fight. She went to her family and I searched the house for evidence and I found love letters and gifts. She wrote in her memories that she tried to kill me several times. The problem is: We have 4 children, and they are attached closely to her, but she gave up their custody.

How do I raise my children after this problem? And how to act properly after divorce. May Allah reward you!

Answer

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and those who follow him.

Thank Allah for getting rid of your cheating wife and that matters have ended at that limit. Thank Allah again that she gave up her right of custody because a mother like whom you described -who disobeys her Lord, cheat on her husband and family, and sacrifice her children- cannot be trusted to raise children, but it is a great danger on them. As for your children's attachment to their mother, it is inherent which demands that you respect their emotions, cover for your wife, and do not inform them about what she did, no matter the circumstances are and no matter the pressures you face. This may result in imbalance of concept and values of children, on the contrary teach them how to establish good relationship with her.

As for raising them, it will be difficult in the beginning but you shall get used to bear responsibility of children. So, seek help with Allah, do not despair, and search for a righteous and reasonable woman to help you raising them, but this time choose her well.

Raise your children to high Islamic morals and according to the Shari`ah, make them adhere to the religion, make them abide by its ethics, choose a good company for them, and avoid them bad company. Beware of mass media which destroys all principles and values that parents instill inside them and exhort them to the acts of worship, such as keeping up to Salah and abstaining from deniable acts. Always remember the saying of the Prophet (peace be upon him): "Whoever was give custody of a group of people but did not advise them, he will not smell the odor of Paradise even though its odor is smelled at the distance of one hundred years." [Reported by Al-Bukhari and the Imam Ahmad].

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Anyone is given custody over a group of people but he betrayed them he shall be in Hell." [Reported by Imam Ahmad and the Hadith is authentic].

As for arranging appointments to let the children see their mother, the reference shall be to customs and as agreed upon between you two. However, if you differ, refer the matter to the elder and reasonable people or to court.