Should I speak with the girl whom I love?

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

My problem is: I want to marry the girl whom I love and I swear by Allah that I love her from the bottom of my heart and I deeply want to marry her. It should be noted here that I do not speak to her and she has the same feelings to me, but my financial conditions are miserable in addition to my debts; imagine my psychological condition. I swear for you Sheikh that I sometimes believe that this is a kind of torment from Allah (may He be Exalted) for my major sin which I have been practicing from time to time which is masturbation, then I repent, but after a short period, I go back again to practice this bad habit for fear of fornication, can I speak to that girl and tell her about my feelings?.

Could you kindly advise? May Allah bestow mercy on you! And may Allah reward you the best!

Answer

All praise be to Allah, and peace be upon His Messenger, upon his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

As for your relationship with the girl, let it be known that relationships between men and women outside marriage is a sedition used by Satan to seduce the people of purity and put them in evil and immorality. Allah has said the truth when He said: "O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaitan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaitan (Satan), then, verily he commands Al-Fahsha' [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse, etc.)], and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam, etc.)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower." [Surat An-Nur: 21].

The sedition of women is one of the greatest turmoil and of the most dangerous as was reported in Sahih Al Bukhari and Sahih Muslim from the Hadith of Usamah ibn Zayd (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

"After me I have not left any affliction more harmful to men than women."

Imam Muslim reported on the authority of Abu Sa`id Al Khudry (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "So, beware of the beguilements of the world, and those of women because the first trial of Banu Israel was through women."

The Shari`ah prohibited us to have illegal relationships with women, moreover it warned us against approaching them or being alone with them as was reported in Sahih Al Bukhari and Sahih Muslim on the authority of `Uqbah ibn `Amir that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women."

Imam Ahmad and At-Tirmidhy reported on the authority of Ali ibn Abu Talib (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) found Al Fadl ibn Al `Abbas looking at a woman and she looks at him, so he turned the head of Al Fadl away from her, then said: I saw a young man and a girl [looking at one another], so I did not feel safe that Satan may corrupt between them." [Al Albany graded it as authentic].

Ibn Buraydah reported on the authority of his father that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to Ali ibn Abu Talib (may Allah be pleased with him): "O Ali, do not give a second look (because) because you are not blamed for the first, but you have no right to the second." [Reported by Abu Dawud, At-Tirmidhy, and Ahmad].

If you know this, we should draw your attention to some matters:

First, repentance to Allah (may He be Glorified and Exalted) of what has taken place between you two.

Second, cut this relation at once and do not speak to her on the phone because it opens the gate for sedition and falling into prohibited matters because means takes the same rulings of their ends. The one who moves around a sanctuary of others may fall into their properties and may commit prohibited matters as was reported from the Prophet (peace be upon him) in the Hadith of An-Nu`man ibn Bashir in which he said: "But he who falls into doubtful things falls into that which is unlawful, just as a shepherd who grazes his cattle in the vicinity of a pasture declared prohibited (by the king); he is likely to stray into the pasture." [Reported by Al Bukhari and Muslim].

Third, you are in need to marriage and that girl is religious and well-mannered, try to convince your mother to betroth her and certify your marriage then if you want to delay the commencement of marriage until you finish your study, it will be good. Thereby, your relation with her will be legal. If it is difficult for you to do so, you have to cut your relationship with her at once whether through the phone or through any other means.

We ask Allah to expand your chest and facilitate your matters.