Our relationship was online and now I want to betroth her

Question

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

My question is: I knew a girl on the Internet and spent two months talking to her online, and now I want to betroth her. The girl is religions and fears her Lord, preserving obligatory duties, Salah, and reciting the Qur'an. The problem is I used to speak with her on the phone and most of our talks were about love and passion to the extent that we practised masturbation. Honesty, I was the one who started this and she did not know anything about that bad practice. Now I want to betroth her but I am afraid that our life after marriage will be miserable and full of problems, suspicion, fear, lack of trust, and obsession.

Could you direct me about what should I do? May Allah protect you, Sheikh!

Answer

All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, upon his family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

In fact, I was stunned by your description to the girl as a religious, fears Allah, and maintains her obligatory duties, then you speak with her on the phone about things that should not be discussed except between spouses such as love, passion, moreover you practised masturbation! These actions cannot be done by someone who fears Allah but by someone who does not. You have opened a door of sedition that will lead to the destruction of your hearts, loss of religion, and make you fall into a forbidden relationship as happened.

So, you should first, repent sincerely from the bottom of your heart, cut any connection with the girl, and change your telephone number and E-mail because our religion, eastern values, and our Arabic customs do not make lawful any relation between Ajnaby (a man lawful for the woman to marry) and a woman except in the light of a lawful marriage. Beware of going too far in this relationship for fear that a barrier may be set between your heart and repentance. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "O you who believe! Answer Allâh (by obeying Him) and (His) Messenger when he (peace be upon him) calls you to that which will give you life, and know that Allâh comes in between a person and his heart (i.e. He prevents an evil person to decide anything). And verily, to Him you shall (all) be gathered." [Surat Al Anfal: 24].

Hurry to repentance so as not to be deprived of it when you need it because Allah inverts the hearts as He wills and directs them as He wills. Allah (Glory be to Him) says:"And We shall turn their hearts and their eyes away (from guidance), as they refused to believe therein for the first time, and We shall leave them in their trespass to wander blindly." [Surat Al An`am: 110].

As for marriage by the way you have mentioned, it is full of hazards, fraud, deception, and dependence on the heart without clear reasoning. Moreover, now you are suffering from obsessions and doubts because you have a fear that she will incline to another person as she inclined to you, so what will be the case if that happened after marriage?!